people fucking piss me off.

if you can't say anything nice, then don't say an effing thing. Because I really just don't give a fuck. especially if you reply anonymous. and its out of insecurity.

At least 'Taylor BoBaylor' had enough nerve to reply as herself.

I am not interested in writing about what my day consisted of or how bad I feel or any of that, simply because in the large heap of things, it is naturally irrelevant. If I ignore the fact that I feel bad, it will eventually be overpowered. Not by good feelings, but at least by a sense of numbness.

Although, the boys at work taught me how to box. I feel quite confident in it.

I don't even know what is going to happen this summer.



'Oh, the torment bred in the race,
the grinding scream of death
and the stroke that hits the vein,
the hemorrhage none can staunch,
the grief,
the curse no man can bear.

But there is a cure in the house,
and not outside it, no,
not from others but from them,
their bloody strife. We sing to you,
dark gods beneath the earth.

Now hear, you blissful powers underground -
answer the call, send help.
Bless the children, give them triumph now.



Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, every present, because immortal.

We have a week left and all of my friends are going to go back home. This is exactly how it has always been for me. During the year, I have friends from school (whether it be in high school or in higher education). So now, I am going to have to stay home and work with people who do not appreciate me. All the while, I will be missing Jimmy and the summers that keep piling up where I have not seen my best friend, at all. I miss so many of them. It has been a year since Cody and I got together. It really doesn't feel like a year and I still miss him sometimes, but I am really glad that I was removed out from that situation. It's been over a year since Jake and I were together. And that's okay because I think he is happy now. I do miss him though. At least a couple of times a week.

It's gonna be just fine. I just dread it very much. And btw, Zoloft is shit.

Jake texted me saying, "I forgot to tell you that the girl from the Twilight movie reminds me of you".

blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah.

ajdlkfjaldsfkjsldfjlsdfjfuckyourselflsdfkjlsdfj.

I am so sick of having to listen to people complain about not getting what they want. However, they don't do anything with their life. At all. It's not that they are depressed, it's that they are lazy.

and I deal with them because I care about them and don't want them to feel bad.

I just really hate how other people make me so insecure sometimes. Even when they don't, that feeling just remains dwindling towards me. It's frustrating. Also, it snowed last night, but it's going to be 70 degrees Sunday? I'm sick of this weather and walking across campus freezing to death.

that is all.

So, I've been very ill for the past week. I mean, ear aches, sore muscles, swollen lymph nodes, blisters on throat and blisters on swollen tonsils. All of that jazz. I had to miss 3 classes! And, oh yes, I actually had to call into work. I've never had to call into work before. Pft. I wish I could say that I am feeling better, but the only way I can possibly feel better is if I take between 3 and 4 advil. Even then, I'm much better off asleep. However, I wake myself up drooling because I can't swallow my spit because it hurts so incredibly bad.\


After all of this though, I am still even more miserable in a way. Because my best friend John's 2 year old niece was diagnosed with Leukemia the other day. She turned two only a week and a half ago. It is horrible. They had to fly her to Memphis, to start he chemotherapy treatment. Now, cancer is not a shy friend of mine. Everyone in my family ends up with cancer or diabetes. I just can't possibly imagine having to watch my baby go through all of this. Her treatment is scheduled for 3 years. And that's not including the remission period. Acute Leukemia has a very good survival percentage, it's just, the whole situation blows.

Every time the doctor walks into the room to check on her treatments and what not, Justice will say, "you're killing me! you're killing me!"

If you pray, will you please include her. We always talk about how we feel, especially when we blog, but she's fighting for her life and her right to live.

pray for John too, I hate seeing him go through this.

School starts back on Thursday, and I still do not have my 35 mm camera, my art supplies, or lastly, my books. I'm not gonna allow myself to be too concerned with this though, in the midst of driving myself further over the edge...

What have I been doing lately? Hmm,..I've been working a lot. That fluctuates. I've slept some. Drove a lot. Downloaded tons of music..IDK.

..Do you ever feel like you really have no idea what you want? Not like you are tugged in different directions, but that you simply have no idea what in the world is going on. You are living and walking and simply being, and that it is fine...yet you just don't know what makes you tick and rocks your socks? I don't like the way it makes me feel. It does that whole make you light headed and heart beat too fast thing.

That insight reminds me too much of Existentialism and Camus. I should turn and run before I dig myself another hole in that.

on a much lighter note...I purchased canvas already prepared rather cheap. !!!!

Right now, Kayleigh is dating a boy that she loves, and I am so confused about boys.

and we're both getting happily drunk.

thank goodness.

I don't want to feel bad anymore!! No MORE BAD NEWS!

CODY KETRON is a fucking little bitch who has bad taste in music.